blog

website rebuild
26 October, 2022

hello friends, yesterday i spent most of the day working on rebuilding and restructuring this website. so, i thought i would write a little bit about it just because it's been so long since i've written a blog post and i do very much love writing these.

this is going to get very rambly and all over the place so maybe don’t even bother reading :)

so basically, i was procrastinating doing my uni assignment which are due this week and i still haven’t gotten close to finishing yet, and as part of my procrastination i was surfing the web and looking at cool and interesting personal websites. one of them was this one here. not sure where i found that one. anyway, that reminded me of neocities, so i decided to have a skim through the most popular neocities sites, which is something i used to do quite frequently but haven’t done in a while. to my surprise, things have changed quite a bit. the most popular website listed currently is a site called sadgrl, a site i had never seen before.

so i had a look at sadgrl and saw what it was all about, and it’s actually very cool. there’s lots of resources and tools to help people build their own website with neocities (or any other host i guess), but it’s clear that this ‘sad girl’ really likes the idea of people building their own sites to express themselves on the internet, much like geocities used to be back in the day (i assume). and i also think that’s a really cool idea. so basically sadgrl inspired me to return back to my website and make some changes and pretty it up a little bit, although it is still pretty minimalist and retains a lot of the look from the old design.

i also wanted to clarify something i wrote in the about section, regarding my stance towards social media and on personal websites.

in 2019 when i launched this website, i was pretty annoyed at the state of the current web. i recognised that i spent almost all my time in a web browser looking at the same handful of sites. youtube, twitter, reddit, maybe wikipedia if i was feeling frisky, but not really anything else. and it occurred to me that, for a lot of people, the internet and social media are essentially synonymous. as someone who not only hates the mere concept of giant tech companies, but also views himself as an ‘internet native’ (i live in a young adult cyberpunk novel), the idea of the internet being owned by five megacorps is like my home being bought out by… some big bad organisation or something idk. so basically i didn’t like the state of the modern web.

and i still don’t. but i’ve chilled out a lot in regards to social media. it’s actually pretty easy to avoid social media if you really want to. the only social media i use these days is still reddit, but i try to not look at the comments sections and mainly use it as a news aggregator. so i’m not as angry as i once was. if they want to take over most of my home, fine. i’ll hide in my little room in the corner and ignore them for the most part. it’s not like they’re stopping me from decking out this corner of the internet. sure, there’s an argument to be made for social media corrupting society and having truly detrimental effects on our collective psyches and degrading the general mental health of humanity, among other heinous crimes, but what can i do about that? nothing really, other than try to avoid it for my own sake and take care of myself.

that being said, i’m not entirely apathetic. i had a read of the openbooks manifesto, and it kinda changed my mind about this neocities thing. when i was mad about social media taking over the internet, i made this site as a sort of ‘tribute’ to the old web, a nostalgic artwork in an attempt to bring back web 1.0 and the crazy ‘wild west’ culture that existed back then (or so i’m told). but i think the manifesto actually has it right, in that personal websites shouldn’t be for nostalgia’s sake, or for bringing back web 1.0. instead, they should just be for personal expression, and trying to introduce some more independence into the internet. i think it would be cool if there was a new internet culture of people building their own sites for no reason other than just to make them.

that's basically all i had to say. i'm sure i'm forgetting something that i'll remember in the shower tomorrow. if you’re reading this, i encourage you to try and build your own site, too. sadgrl has some great information on how to get started, and neocities is free to host your own little thingy. html is pretty easy once you get the hang of it. css is a little bit/a lot stupid, but you can get away with just stealing it from other people’s sites if you dig around a bit.

yeah, this got a bit longer than i wanted and it’s a bit late now so i’m going to bed. if you read everything i wrote, lol

mechanical pencil review
17 March, 2021

hey what's goin on guys it's ya boy puffpastry here back at it again with another blog post. today i'm going to be reviewing my mechanical pencils that i bought because i love mechanical pencils so much ^_^

so let's get started! (also btw i use B or 2B grade lead and all my pencils are 0.5mm)

~ uni kuru toga roulette ~
ah, my first real mechanical pencil. the pencil that made me fall in love with knurled grips. i really like how this pencil looks, a little bit industrial looking at the tip but still sleek enough to be used to write in cursive. not that you'd use it to write in cursive, or course, because whenever you write a stroke the pencil lead rotates to prevent chisel tip! that's the whole shtick with these kuru togas, you see. anyway, this is probably the pencil i've used the most and with good reason. it's a good pencil.

~ pentel smash ~
there was this limited edition gold version of this pencil i really wanted, but it was super expensive and only available in japan so i didn't get it. instead i got the regular black version. the pentel smash is probably my least favourite looking pencil, it's pretty basic and not very flashy but not ugly either. it's also the lightest pencil i have, and that makes it really nice to write with. i tend to prefer a bit of weight to my pencils, but i surprisingly really like the lightness of the smash. also the grip is squishy and actually really really nice. what i'm trying to say is that i didn't think i'd like this pencil that much but it's actually my favourite pencil to write with. if only it looked a bit cooler, but that's not too important i guess.

~ staedtler 925-35 all black ~
this is by far my favourite looking pencil i own. it is just so pretty and i love the knurling and the completely matte black look to it just turns me right on. that being said, it's pretty heavy, which isn't a deal breaker for me but might be for others who don't like heavy pencils or aren't used to them. it's also pretty expensive as far as mech pencils go, but it was worth it for me because i am truly in love with how it looks. i don't really use this pencil much, but when i do it writes fine. just a bit heavy, like i said. recommend this if you're a vanity slut and like pencils just because they look pretty. but, like, it still writes well.

~ uni kuru toga advance upgrade model ~
the latest pencil in my collection, i bought it because i really liked the kuru toga roulette but i kinda broke it so i thought i get a new kuru toga and decided i'd get a different model because why not. well, it turns out i like the roulette a lot more. not that the advance upgrade is bad at all, because it's still a really good pencil, i just prefer the design and feeling of the roulette. also this one doesn't have a knurled grip, unlike the roulette, which kinda donks. i prefer the roulette's grip. i dunno, something about the advance upgrade just feels a bit cheap, despite its more professional appearance. a little bit underwhelmed with this pencil, but a big upside is the retractable tip so that i don't damage the pencil when it's in my pencil case. it might just take some getting used to, but i still think it's a good pencil.

anyway that's all i've got so far. i still plan on buying some more mech pencils in the future, because i am in love, and when i do maybe i'll do another review. on my wishlist is a whole bunch of really expensive shit like the pentel orenz nero, the kaweco special, the platinum pro-use 171 and, the big boy, a rotring 800. i'm also interested in diving into the fountain pen scene, although i'll probably need to expand my bank account a bit before i get into that. but i would like a lamy safari :3 anyway i'm rambling now so thanks for reading see ya next time please subscribe

2021
2 January, 2021

things are good. never been better

things that i am excited for
30 May, 2020

so like omg becky there's a pandemic going on and stuff but i'm still cruisin'. prolonged social isolation doesn't bother me, amirite gamer bros? hahaa anyway here's some games and stuff that i am excited for

diabotical
a brand new arena fps (like quake or unreal tournament) made by james 2gd, an ex-pro gamer. i played this with mags during the closed beta every weekend for 4 weeks and it was some of the most fun i've had in recent memory, also it was actually populated unlike quake champions. i'll be interested to see how long it takes before this game dies and i also can't wait to remake ctf_turbine in it because the map editor is very nice

valorant
this comes out in literally a couple of days but i am excited to play it. even though i am not a pro cs:go player i still have 1420 hours in it as of writing (inb4 rookie numbers) and i am looking forward to a game that is supposedly like cs but not cs. also it sucked watching the rest of the world play the game while oce got left out because apparently covid actually affects the release of stuff or something idk its a pretty gay excuse riot cmon

cyberpunk 2077
i remember watching the original teaser for this game in 2013 or sumthing and i've been hyped on and off for it ever since. i'm kind of thirsting for a good AAA single player game rn and cyberpunk has been my favourite subgenre of sci-fi since forever so this looks like a lot of fun. the gameplay videos they've shown so far look really good and i'm glad there's at least some rpg aspects to this game and it isn't just GTA but cyberpunk. hope i'm not let down (i doubt it)

the binding of isaac: repentance
so a couple weeks ago i managed to 100% afterbirth+ (in only 350 hours!) and i am mega hype for this "final final DLC" of isaac. now that i think about it, isaac might be my favourite game of all time. otherwise it's definitely up there. for anyone who cares, repentance is an official port of a fan mod called 'antibirth' that came out a couple of years ago and was phenomenal. i think repentance is coming out in september or something tho so might need to slow down the hype train for a couple of months

terraria 1.4: journey's end
i know this has already been out for two weeks at this point but it's been on my mental list of cool upcoming stuff for a while so i'm putting it here anyway. i was never super into terraria but i always found it fun so this seemed like a good opportunity to really get into it. so far i've only played about 10 or 15 hours on my expert mode world but i haven't made much progress because i'm just figuring stuff out. hope to play more in the future because it's pretty cool

minecraft 1.16: nether update
i know i give mojang shit all the time for being incompetent devs and not putting any effort or content into their updates (which i still think is at least somewhat true) but this one looks pretty cool. even if the update doesn't include that much in the end i can't wait to get back into a server with the boys and just spend all of my free time mining and crafting. the minecraft phase of my life never ended, it just comes through waves and i'm looking forward to catching the next one

stoneshard
i discovered this game this year, a true roguelike that is shaping up to be a very modern and polished take on the genre. i think the prologue got me a little too hyped because the actual game is very unfinished and a bit empty right now in early access, which was a little disappointing but still lays a good foundation for the final game. it's set to release in a year or two, unlike everything else on this list, so i'll be checking back once the game is done to see how it turns out

and that is everything that i can think of right now that i am excited for.

i'm calling out
25 January, 2020

is there anybody out theeeere (like the jeep ad yknow) feeling somethiiiing (i can't remember if those are the real lyrics or not)

i don't have much to say today. but then, i never really do.

holiday are almost two thirds done. i have achieved nothing, just the way i like it. even if i did have lots of plans to do shit, i ended up getting nothing done at all. classic. if you're reading this and you are a productive person, you should feel blessed by the good lord above. i once saw an episode of spliced on ABC3 and it was like in the matrix when you can just download a skill straight into your brain. man, how cool would it be. i'd download motivation, discipline and productivity straight into my head. inject myself with that shit in a heartbeat. mmm smart drugs

school's out forever
2 December, 2019

ain't that some shit. feels real wack, man. i dunno what to do anymore, so i'm just keeping myself busy with projects n shit. gonna revamp this modpack a bit, once that's done i might start working on some more videos. thinking of making some more animations, actually. is it wrong to trace over other people's work when animating? probably. idgaf, tho. i'm gonna make an animation and it'll look shitty but that's all part of the a e s t h e t i c, yknow bro.

i'm listening to some metal cover of dr wily stage 1 rn, so epic ngl. really rockin out to this shit, whata banger. anyway, yeah i got stuff to keep me busy, otherwise i'll get all sad n shit n shit, which sucks but yknow that's life. also getting a job so that should be a good excuse to leave my room. gotta make sure to go out with friends whenever i can as well, v important to keep in touch with them forever and ever because i like them and i don't wanna drift apart from them. But it is inevitable. speaking of the modpack, rn i'm adding a couple of ores and shit. i added a relatively unknown mod called tetra that adds a sort of modular tool system, and it integrates well most basic ores like copper, tin, aluminium, lead and shit like that. but i couldn't find any good mods that added just those ores and nothing else, so instead i'm using simpleores and fusion, which only have like mild integration with tetra but whateva. it's a lotta work, bruh. takes a shit tonna time to do this. dont even know if im gonna be able to afford a server that can run this pack when its done. done even know if its gonna be able to run on a server at all, or if ill have to add some shit to it or config it some more. probably. idk what im doing.

yeah i dunno its kinda late rn and im just typing my thoughts out rn while listening to music. just stream of consciousness type a shit, yknow. its kinda fun. might do this more often. i like typing on my keyboard, even if its just rambly shit. only problem is, im publishing this to the world wide web so i can go off on those racist tangents i love so much. baha jk jk i dont go on racist tangents. that was a joke, i only go on homophobic tangents teehee tehee that was a joke too hah! gotcha

bruh im listening to halo theme now. i think halo reach from the mcc comes out on pc very soon. dunno. that looks pretty dope tho. might pick them up, might not we'll see. ye enyway im just kinda chillin rn. gonna keep typing cos this is fun. today i was thinking about how schools finished and shit, and thats awesome and all. cos like now i got more agency to do whateva the fug i want, and im gonna have a job soon so i can just buy shit whenever i want. might get a furry buttplug like ive been dreaming about for a while. haha nother joke, im not a furry nor do i want a buttplug. haha what a joke. v funny. yeah so being outta high school is cool and all that but i kinda feel like im gonna miss it. like, finishing school is like finishing a huge chapter in my life. and im kinda excited for whats gonna come next in this wild rollercoaster of Life, but also kinda scared and anxious. mostly i just hope that shit gets better. like i hope that my best days are still in the future. i know they are. of course they are. only losers peak in high school, duh. of course the best days are still ahead. but what do i do when the good times are over? like, what happens after i peak. maybe i never peak. maybe nobody ever does. kinda sucks having all these questions and only being able to answer them with 'maybe'. hey, how awesome would it be to be able to talk to my future self. that'd be sick. i wonder how i end up. probably just some regular dude, tbh. i dont think im destined for greatness, and thats okay. very few people are, obviously. im just gonna try and make it. i wanna be happy. that's all anybody wants, right? isn't that the end goal of every person, to be happy and die without regrets? i dont want to have any regrets. i have some right now, but i hope i learn to not regret them and forgive myself in time. cant wait to mature and become a good person. shits gonna be awesome.

yeah, anyway, kinda cant wait to grow up but also v scared to grow up. everything is so uncertain rn. vce results arrive in about 10 days. im literally shitting myself in anticipation. like, that shits gonna SUCK when it arrives. im almost like 'i dont wanna see. id rather never know'. but i gotta know. my honest prediction is somewhere around the high 70s, low 80s if im lucky. i really studied like shit this year. fucken sucked. like, i know i'll be disappointed when the results arrive so im mentally prepping myself for it right now. actually, ive been preparing for disappointment for months. ive been making sure that when i do get results that are worse than what i expected, ill hopefully look at it as a positive and think 'well, guess my life is going to take my on a different, more adventurous path than i thought'. thats a lie, but if you lie to yourself enough it becomes truth. or something

yeah so im kinda tired now. going to bed i guess. i have more to say, but it can wait. i hope nobody actually reads this, cos like its kinda personal bruh. but if you did read it, then bruh bruh. real bruh moment for me i guess. i dunno hope you enjoyed looking into my brain

the sonic movie won't suck
12 November, 2019

I don't think the Sonic movie will suck. At least, not in the traditional sense. But I'll still hate it.

There's supposed to be a new trailer coming out in the next few days with the redesign for Sonic, so I wanted to get this out real quicksmart. Will the movie be better now that Sonic doesn't look like a freakish mutant rat, at least according to the leaks? Yes, but only marginally. Because the real problems with this movie have very little to do with character design (although that is a big part of it) and a lot to do with the actual content of the movie itself.

So then, why do I say it won't suck? Because shit movies rarely come out anymore, especially not with franchises as iconic as Sonic the Hedgehog. When money comes into the equation, movie studios are anything but stupid. Nobodies going to take a risk on a movie like this and pray that it makes enough money to cut even. At best, and this is if we're very lucky, the Sonic movie will be a decent, fun and entertaining film that manages to please at least a portion of diehard Sonic fans and non-fans alike. What's more likely is that the movie will be forgettable, generic and soulless, which is what the first trailer seemed to display the most. And why will it be so mediocre? Money, baybee.

If we think about the real purpose of the Sonic film and we look at what the first trailer showed us, it's pretty obvious that nobody working on it is actually passionate about Sonic, video games or even filmmaking in general. This movie only exists as a quick cash grab. Of course, this should come as a surprise to literally nobody, but its worth mentioning because of the influence that fans had on the movie after seeing that god awful first design. When so many people complained, I'm willing to bet that a bunch of the studio execs got pretty worried. What if the film doesn't make a profit? I mean, that's all that matters really. They didn't decide to delay the film and redesign Sonic because they care about the franchise, nor do they care about the fans, nor do they even care about the integrity of the film. It's all about that cash, in the hopes that they can suck in the largest audience possible to maximise profit. Which brings up another question; who the hell is the target audience for this?

Sonic fans, maybe. I'm sure the Paramount execs thought "Eh, those Sonic idiots are retarded enough to eat up anything with a blue hedgehog slapped on it". And they're probably right. Young kids? Definitely. Even though I'm pretty sure Sonic isn't that popular with children anymore (I might be wrong), you can bet parents will blindly take their kids to see whatever cartoony animal movie is on at the cinemas. But other than that, I just can't see the general audience having any interest in this film. Maybe lots of people will see it just to laugh at it, or they'll think "Oh, this is that movie that got a bunch of media attention last year. Let's see that." I'll be honest, I have no idea why anyone who isn't a young kid or a retarded Sonic fan will see this movie.

But at least the kids will love it. Because that's the end goal. To have all the kids and parents go see it, because, as I said earlier, the movie's purpose is to sell. Not to entertain, or immerse, or deliver any kind of lasting emotional experience. It exists to make money, and make money it will. I am almost certain that this movie will be a box office success, as much as I hate to say it. You can tell in how little they care about the movie, from pushing out the disgusting Sonic design to the incredibly boring, uninteresting plot, this movie was made with as little effort as possible to gain as much money as possible. And that's the most disappointing part of it all.

The movie has nothing to do with Sonic. At all. If you took away the blue 'hedgehog' and replaced him with any other generic anthropomorphic animal, the plot would work just as well (According to a leaked plot document from earlier this year). Sonic teams up with 'Tom the Cop', a brand new, GENERIC human character, to stop Dr Eggman (who also looks nothing like Eggman) from doing some shit. Sonic's friends are nowhere to be seen. There is no mention of Eggman's plans to robotisise, no mention of the Chaos Emeralds, no mention of Super Sonic. Now, as far as I can tell, this movie is supposed to act as an 'origin story' for Sonic, probably so that sequels can be inevitably released. But, the only things connecting this movie and the Sonic franchise are the main character, the existence of 'Eggman', if you can even call this character that, and rings. Why does this movie exist.

So I hope the Sonic movie fails. I hope it makes no money, I hope it is critically panned and I hope everybody hates it. If that makes me an autistic manchild, then so be it. I know it won't fail though, and I know it won't be that poorly received. But it's clear to me that there is no passion in this film, that nobody working on this has any clue what a 'Sonic Hedgehog' is, and is just working to get their paycheck. But I guess that's just how Hollywood works. And it really sucks.

coming out
6 October, 2019

the first time I knew, I think, was around when I was five or six years old. I never really thought that what I was feeling was strange or different from anyone else, to be honest. it never really occurred to me. I just thought I was a regular kid who liked to play video games and watch cartoons on tv. just like all the other kids. but not so, apparently.

my parents aren't aware of my condition. I'm too scared to tell them. would they be accepting of it? would they support me? if I told them, would they still love me? these are questions I ask myself everyday. I like to think that they would still love me. they're the only thing keeping me alive right now.

is this a life worth living? many wouldn't call it a life at all. it's misery. I can't keep living this lie.

my friends are mostly supportive, though. I say mostly, because the jokes and banter still exists (yes, even in 2019 I get teased for being who I am). and most of the time I pretend like they don't get to me, like the name-calling doesn't hurt. but it does. I'm too afraid to speak out, though. I don't want to be "that guy", always bringing up that fact that I'm different from everyone else, that I'm a bit unusual. I'll be honest, though, I've lost count of the number of times I've come home from school and broken down on my bed, sobbing quietly into my pillow like the pathetic loser I am. everything is terrible.

so I'm making this blog post, my first ever, to bring and end to the lie that has crippled me for so long. today, I proudly tell the world who I am, and I refuse to be shamed for it.

I am different.

I am proud.

I am a furry.